Once upon a time, a would-be author would have been at the mercy of the established publishing houses if he wanted to get his work out there for the world to see. It wasn't fair, really; very few previously unpublished authors were accepted, and producing your own work was cost prohibitive. A lot of talented writers, (and film makers, and musicians), remained unread and undiscovered. The personal computer has changed all that. Today, an investment of a couple of hundred bucks
provides the wherewithal to produce and distribute your own book, movie, or record. With a little savvy or luck, anyone can become an overnight success.
Or not.
The spectrum of available media, good and bad, is overwhelming. If you are a devotee of the web, and bored with YouTube, or tired of inevitably drifting into the weird videos, Amazon Books can provide a startling and unexpected alternative. I had no conception of the full range of material available for the non-discriminating reader's pleasure. And it's all for sale over the Internet.
I've had one memorable run-in with the world of the vanity press. (I recently found myself extensively critiqued in the memoirs of a self-published acquaintance. That book, which will remain unnamed, is for sale on Amazon.)
There are some really, really, really badly written books available on Amazon. Some of them are so awful that they're giving them away for free. A few are so appallingly terrible that they have gained notoriety and sell out as soon as they're made available.
I was surfing the web last night and discovered an article, devoted to The Best in self-published tripe, which directed me to one success story that never would have been possible without widespread Internet access, a spectacularly amateurish coloring book for children, Latawnya, the Naughty Horse, Learns to Say "No" to Drugs. The title says it all. Just check it out. Check out the prices, too.
A dramatic reading is available on (you guessed it!) YouTube. If you google "naughty horse" you can find and read a complete version in scanned jpg form (on flicker). Reams of hilarious satirical commentary has been inspired by the book. A Wikipedia entry has links to a copy of a lawsuit the author filed against Amazon; who knows what else is out there?
I found myself in the weird-self-published-book section of Amazon. Adult favorites among the offerings I discovered are The Big Coloring Book of Vaginas and How to Live with a Huge Penis , but there is plenty of g-rated material available for the younger or less world. None of these fascinating finds would have been possible before the advent of the relatively inexpensive vanity press.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
My name in print!
Christmas, 2011, Good Will Towards Men!
An old aquantainance just self published the story of his life. To my surprise, quite a bit of it is devoted to me. More specifically, to telling the world about how crazy and dangerous I am, how much worse I am than he is, and how much he suffered from our aquaintance. Under the guise of "telling the truth" and being fair, he did give me credit for certain talents, and wrote about at least one action I took to save him in a crisis.
I found most of what he had to say about me slanderous and unfair. I was his friend for about a year or so when he was at the height of his alcoholism. I had been his sober friend, and as such I often paid a heavy emotional price for his drinking. He was physically and emotionally abusive, as well as becoming quite insane when he drank. Anytime we left his house I would literally wind up carrying him home. I was the one he called to rescue him when he shattered his leg.
What really amazes me is that, although we spent so little time together, (he was in his 50s when I knew him), so much of the truly vitriolic in his autobiography was devoted to me. Page after page of gossipy libel. I obviously made a greater impression on him than his ex-wife and blood relatives, not to mention the myriad girlfriends who were hardly mentioned. Of course he failed to mention as well most of the truly idiotic things he did while drunk, those involving public nudity, inappropriate sexual behavior, really really bad lapses of judgement; all the alcoholic behaviors he has chosen to forget.
Thee book itself is terrible, a really narcissistic first try by someone who has no experience as a writer.
He paid to have it published by one of the vanity presses and has it posted all over the internet. I don't have to worry about anyone reading the slanderous things he had to say about me; it's extremely unlikely-to-impossible that his writing will ever become mainstream.
Still, it stings.
He cheerfully encouraged me to read his book, then actually had the gall to say he expected forgiveness and peace to come from my reading what he wrote about me,
He denied having any anger or ill feelings towards me.
A very good example of the type of dishonesty I wrote about in my first blog post.
An old aquantainance just self published the story of his life. To my surprise, quite a bit of it is devoted to me. More specifically, to telling the world about how crazy and dangerous I am, how much worse I am than he is, and how much he suffered from our aquaintance. Under the guise of "telling the truth" and being fair, he did give me credit for certain talents, and wrote about at least one action I took to save him in a crisis.
I found most of what he had to say about me slanderous and unfair. I was his friend for about a year or so when he was at the height of his alcoholism. I had been his sober friend, and as such I often paid a heavy emotional price for his drinking. He was physically and emotionally abusive, as well as becoming quite insane when he drank. Anytime we left his house I would literally wind up carrying him home. I was the one he called to rescue him when he shattered his leg.
What really amazes me is that, although we spent so little time together, (he was in his 50s when I knew him), so much of the truly vitriolic in his autobiography was devoted to me. Page after page of gossipy libel. I obviously made a greater impression on him than his ex-wife and blood relatives, not to mention the myriad girlfriends who were hardly mentioned. Of course he failed to mention as well most of the truly idiotic things he did while drunk, those involving public nudity, inappropriate sexual behavior, really really bad lapses of judgement; all the alcoholic behaviors he has chosen to forget.
Thee book itself is terrible, a really narcissistic first try by someone who has no experience as a writer.
He paid to have it published by one of the vanity presses and has it posted all over the internet. I don't have to worry about anyone reading the slanderous things he had to say about me; it's extremely unlikely-to-impossible that his writing will ever become mainstream.
Still, it stings.
He cheerfully encouraged me to read his book, then actually had the gall to say he expected forgiveness and peace to come from my reading what he wrote about me,
He denied having any anger or ill feelings towards me.
A very good example of the type of dishonesty I wrote about in my first blog post.
Deception and the social environment
Nobody can stand me anymore. I don't blame them. I don't dress up and pretend to be sexy, I'm not rich, and I'm not a pushover. I've gotten to the point where I have absolutely no tolerance for bullshit. None of the above is good for making or keeping friends.
You see, I never learned to be false. That is not to say I can't lie; I'm right up there with the best of them when it comes to saving my own butt. I just don't see the point in pretending to be anyone other than who I am. This type of honesty gets me in a lot of trouble.
My Blog profile is an exercise in pretense; I am going to pretend to be someone else for the time being. My view, feelings, and opinions will be my own, however, make no doubt. They'll just be housed in a different persona. I have no intention of being burned at the stake, literally or figuratively, and I do not want you to know me. I am only interested in saying what I have to say; my looks, age, race, weight and sexual orientation are of no consequence here. This is the land of pure opinion.
I don't understand humans at all. There is a small measure of understanding that comes when we are silent and skin to skin, and that part I get. I understand the language of touch. The body can try to lie, but it isn't very good at it. It flinches away when repelled, draws near to that which it loves or feels safe next to. Animals are better equipt than we are to communicate through touch; lacking a shared spoken language with us they are able to communicate their needs and likes in a much more honest way than we can using speech. Cats are the masters of getting their point across through body language, seeming at times almost telepathic in their ability. And when they are through with us, they let us know just as clearly. The cat doesn't go through a lengthy period of pretending to want something else just to get away; they stand up and leave, and , if we don't get it, they scratch and run.
Animals are rarely false. Some people believe animals do lie, and I have seen signs of it. They feign disinterest in food until your back is turned and they can snatch it. They lie still and hide fear or desperation until they have a chance to escape. But they seem to lack entirely the multitude of Human motives for dishonesty .
Any three year old child already has a pretty good grasp on the basic principles of dishonesty. "If I pretend to be someone else, my parents will love me". "If I pretend to love my parents they will treat me better, give me more things, take better care of me."
A few more years, and the child is an even more sophisticated liar; "I can pretend to be very good and blame my sister/brother if I break something." "If I hide my anger at Mommy and Daddy they'll love me more and give me more of what I want".
So lying becomes a means of manipulating others into acting in the way you want them to act. It's a tool for manipulating the social environment. Lying has power, I'll give it that. You won't go very far in social situations without some pretty advanced skills at being false. Your career advancement is dependent upon your ability to assess the needs of an employer and convince him that you are the candidate best able to provide for those needs.
Problems arise because all of us are very skillful liars by the time we reach the marketplace. In order to know what to offer a potential client or employer, we have to be adept at reading the unspoken needs as well as the stated needs. We need to convince him, often without stating it verbally, that we are best equipt to provide for all of those needs. We usually have to pretend to have have at least some skills we actually lack; (for instance, the client may have an unstated need for a submissive employee. We may be a naturally confident leader, but having read the unspoken subtext, decide we are willing to play the role in order to make money.) It's no easy trick when both parties are attempting to manipulate the situation to their own advantage.
Well, I am bad at it. I'm a lousy shmoozer. I don't read unspoken subtext particularly well, probably because I have no interest in it. I'm the kind of person who tells you what I want as clearly as possible. I assume the same from others, often with regret. I show irritation when I'm irritated, (a shock to those who can't tolerate what they believe are "negative" emotions, usually those who are stifling the same emotions). I expect to be treated with respect, at least on subjects about which I have proved a level of expertise. I don't understand workspace politics; I always assume I have been hired for my skills, and am greatly shocked when I find out that I have been given another role to play but not informed of it.
But that's the work-aday life. That's why I'm self-employed, and, most of all, why I'm considered a complete failure and an idiot by my family or superbly manipulative overachievers, Ces't la vie!
You see, I never learned to be false. That is not to say I can't lie; I'm right up there with the best of them when it comes to saving my own butt. I just don't see the point in pretending to be anyone other than who I am. This type of honesty gets me in a lot of trouble.
My Blog profile is an exercise in pretense; I am going to pretend to be someone else for the time being. My view, feelings, and opinions will be my own, however, make no doubt. They'll just be housed in a different persona. I have no intention of being burned at the stake, literally or figuratively, and I do not want you to know me. I am only interested in saying what I have to say; my looks, age, race, weight and sexual orientation are of no consequence here. This is the land of pure opinion.
I don't understand humans at all. There is a small measure of understanding that comes when we are silent and skin to skin, and that part I get. I understand the language of touch. The body can try to lie, but it isn't very good at it. It flinches away when repelled, draws near to that which it loves or feels safe next to. Animals are better equipt than we are to communicate through touch; lacking a shared spoken language with us they are able to communicate their needs and likes in a much more honest way than we can using speech. Cats are the masters of getting their point across through body language, seeming at times almost telepathic in their ability. And when they are through with us, they let us know just as clearly. The cat doesn't go through a lengthy period of pretending to want something else just to get away; they stand up and leave, and , if we don't get it, they scratch and run.
Animals are rarely false. Some people believe animals do lie, and I have seen signs of it. They feign disinterest in food until your back is turned and they can snatch it. They lie still and hide fear or desperation until they have a chance to escape. But they seem to lack entirely the multitude of Human motives for dishonesty .
Any three year old child already has a pretty good grasp on the basic principles of dishonesty. "If I pretend to be someone else, my parents will love me". "If I pretend to love my parents they will treat me better, give me more things, take better care of me."
A few more years, and the child is an even more sophisticated liar; "I can pretend to be very good and blame my sister/brother if I break something." "If I hide my anger at Mommy and Daddy they'll love me more and give me more of what I want".
So lying becomes a means of manipulating others into acting in the way you want them to act. It's a tool for manipulating the social environment. Lying has power, I'll give it that. You won't go very far in social situations without some pretty advanced skills at being false. Your career advancement is dependent upon your ability to assess the needs of an employer and convince him that you are the candidate best able to provide for those needs.
Problems arise because all of us are very skillful liars by the time we reach the marketplace. In order to know what to offer a potential client or employer, we have to be adept at reading the unspoken needs as well as the stated needs. We need to convince him, often without stating it verbally, that we are best equipt to provide for all of those needs. We usually have to pretend to have have at least some skills we actually lack; (for instance, the client may have an unstated need for a submissive employee. We may be a naturally confident leader, but having read the unspoken subtext, decide we are willing to play the role in order to make money.) It's no easy trick when both parties are attempting to manipulate the situation to their own advantage.
Well, I am bad at it. I'm a lousy shmoozer. I don't read unspoken subtext particularly well, probably because I have no interest in it. I'm the kind of person who tells you what I want as clearly as possible. I assume the same from others, often with regret. I show irritation when I'm irritated, (a shock to those who can't tolerate what they believe are "negative" emotions, usually those who are stifling the same emotions). I expect to be treated with respect, at least on subjects about which I have proved a level of expertise. I don't understand workspace politics; I always assume I have been hired for my skills, and am greatly shocked when I find out that I have been given another role to play but not informed of it.
But that's the work-aday life. That's why I'm self-employed, and, most of all, why I'm considered a complete failure and an idiot by my family or superbly manipulative overachievers, Ces't la vie!
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