Nobody can stand me anymore. I don't blame them. I don't dress up and pretend to be sexy, I'm not rich, and I'm not a pushover. I've gotten to the point where I have absolutely no tolerance for bullshit. None of the above is good for making or keeping friends.
You see, I never learned to be false. That is not to say I can't lie; I'm right up there with the best of them when it comes to saving my own butt. I just don't see the point in pretending to be anyone other than who I am. This type of honesty gets me in a lot of trouble.
My Blog profile is an exercise in pretense; I am going to pretend to be someone else for the time being. My view, feelings, and opinions will be my own, however, make no doubt. They'll just be housed in a different persona. I have no intention of being burned at the stake, literally or figuratively, and I do not want you to know me. I am only interested in saying what I have to say; my looks, age, race, weight and sexual orientation are of no consequence here. This is the land of pure opinion.
I don't understand humans at all. There is a small measure of understanding that comes when we are silent and skin to skin, and that part I get. I understand the language of touch. The body can try to lie, but it isn't very good at it. It flinches away when repelled, draws near to that which it loves or feels safe next to. Animals are better equipt than we are to communicate through touch; lacking a shared spoken language with us they are able to communicate their needs and likes in a much more honest way than we can using speech. Cats are the masters of getting their point across through body language, seeming at times almost telepathic in their ability. And when they are through with us, they let us know just as clearly. The cat doesn't go through a lengthy period of pretending to want something else just to get away; they stand up and leave, and , if we don't get it, they scratch and run.
Animals are rarely false. Some people believe animals do lie, and I have seen signs of it. They feign disinterest in food until your back is turned and they can snatch it. They lie still and hide fear or desperation until they have a chance to escape. But they seem to lack entirely the multitude of Human motives for dishonesty .
Any three year old child already has a pretty good grasp on the basic principles of dishonesty. "If I pretend to be someone else, my parents will love me". "If I pretend to love my parents they will treat me better, give me more things, take better care of me."
A few more years, and the child is an even more sophisticated liar; "I can pretend to be very good and blame my sister/brother if I break something." "If I hide my anger at Mommy and Daddy they'll love me more and give me more of what I want".
So lying becomes a means of manipulating others into acting in the way you want them to act. It's a tool for manipulating the social environment. Lying has power, I'll give it that. You won't go very far in social situations without some pretty advanced skills at being false. Your career advancement is dependent upon your ability to assess the needs of an employer and convince him that you are the candidate best able to provide for those needs.
Problems arise because all of us are very skillful liars by the time we reach the marketplace. In order to know what to offer a potential client or employer, we have to be adept at reading the unspoken needs as well as the stated needs. We need to convince him, often without stating it verbally, that we are best equipt to provide for all of those needs. We usually have to pretend to have have at least some skills we actually lack; (for instance, the client may have an unstated need for a submissive employee. We may be a naturally confident leader, but having read the unspoken subtext, decide we are willing to play the role in order to make money.) It's no easy trick when both parties are attempting to manipulate the situation to their own advantage.
Well, I am bad at it. I'm a lousy shmoozer. I don't read unspoken subtext particularly well, probably because I have no interest in it. I'm the kind of person who tells you what I want as clearly as possible. I assume the same from others, often with regret. I show irritation when I'm irritated, (a shock to those who can't tolerate what they believe are "negative" emotions, usually those who are stifling the same emotions). I expect to be treated with respect, at least on subjects about which I have proved a level of expertise. I don't understand workspace politics; I always assume I have been hired for my skills, and am greatly shocked when I find out that I have been given another role to play but not informed of it.
But that's the work-aday life. That's why I'm self-employed, and, most of all, why I'm considered a complete failure and an idiot by my family or superbly manipulative overachievers, Ces't la vie!
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